I have earned this moment

I stand at the kitchen island, looking at a rich chocolate cake and the flame of a candle flickering in the dark. Behind me the sink hides the remains of dinner, the empty cookware weathered from months on the road. All around, the house is empty, rooms resonating and echoing with the quiet sounds of my footsteps and laptop. In my bedroom, my deflating sleeping mat is hidden below my sleeping bag still cocooned into its bivvy bag.

This is all a bit ridiculous, but my partner and new housemate have not moved in yet. So I’m alone, in this new house, in this new city, camping within four walls. Family and friends have laughed at how ridiculous this is but it feels right to end the year as it started.

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For months I have been on the road, happily cycling in the Iberian Peninsula with not a care in the world. Life was easy back then. There was nothing to think about, no commitments, no rent, no bills. But I came back and life got complicated. I felt trapped by modern sedentary life. I wanted to go away, shut myself from job applications and house hunting. But how could I? I needed to be there, ready to jump on the coach to Bristol to attend an interview and visit a house. My life was not mine to enjoy. It was held at the mercy of employers and estate agents. I was not happy.

I spent long hours on my longboard, the focus needed to acquire new skills obliterating every thoughts from my mind. But however long I stood on that board, I always needed to come home, to check e-mails, to apply for jobs, to arrange for viewings.

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I became drained. I snapped and yelled and cried. And finally, after three months of toing and froing from London to Bristol, and countless rejections, I found a home and a job. A home that is empty for now but will soon be filled with friends, with books and bikes and maps and happiness. And a job that is unlike anything I’ve ever done but is getting me excited.

I blow out the candle on the cake, I dip my fork into it, and I savour every last bit of it. I have earned this moment.

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5 thoughts on “I have earned this moment

  1. Yes you have indee Allysse. I feel for you though not from any recent personal experience but my youngest daughter is going through a similar situation. She has a job now but is still “camping out” at friends because it is so difficult to find accommodation when all the agents are ripping you off for as much as they can get. I’m pleased you got it sorted eventually and keep my fingers crossed for my daughter.

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  2. Wonderful moment of gratitude Allysse! Not the easiest time indeed and surely lots of thoughts swirling around your head. However, intense times usually make intense memories…
    I hope you enjoyed wonderful Christmas with your dear ones, not having to camp within your own home. Best of luck and may the new year start promising, with a dash of magic! 🙂

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    • There was definitely a lot of thoughts swirling around. I’m glad that had calmed down now and I have more time to sort things out 🙂

      I had a wonderful Christmas with actual furniture and a bed (the best bit about it really :P). I hope your Christmas went just as well.

      I can’t wait for the new year. I have so many project and it looks like it’ll begin under a good start. May your new year bring you plenty of magic too 🙂

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      • Good to hear that Allysse, sounds fantastic! A proper bed, wonderful Christmas and already plenty of projects lined up for the new year … can it get any better?? 🙂
        Thank you, Christmas was really quiet and relaxed. We are looking after a lovely dog and cottage on the northeast coast of England for a few months. And yes, hopefully a new year brimming with positive energy and magic… 🙂
        Take care and keep in touch!

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